Stinking Vegetables Are Trying to Off Me

So, my dog tried to kill me the other day.  For the third time now, he’s bounced his ball over into the neighbor’s yard, only this time I had to get in a little bit of brush to try to retrieve it.  The neighbor’s shrubs and the vines attached to them were growing on the fence, poking over to our side, preventing close access to the fence.  I’ll give you three guesses as to what those vines/plants may have been.  If you said Poison anything, you’re right. 

This happened on Thursday, I think.  Since then I’ve been on a regimine of calomine lotion, benadryl (lotion and pills) and today had to break down and get a celestone shot – in the butt.  They call it the “hip”, but they really mean butt. 

Who are they trying to fool?  “Well, this shot usually goes in the hip, so lean over this table, and take your pants down a bit.  Bend your leg a little…”.  Lady, that’s my butt.  If you have to ask me to take my pants down- one, my cheeks tense up and my prostate gets mighty nervous.  Somehow it found out what happens in doctor’s offices when pants go down.  And two, it’s my butt.

Anywho, the shot hasn’t really done much yet.  Toward the end of the day (4-5 hours after the shot) I was feeling less itchy, but my rashes were still highly visible (people have been asking about them all day) and a bit itchy.  My right eye is actually surrounded by a rash, and a rash on my forehead above the eye is creeping toward my eyebrow.  Rash on my right leg, rash on both hands, elbows, biceps, BOTH EARS… here a rash, there a rash everywhere a rash rash. 

You know, people on the internet (doctors, I suppose, too) say that this stuff doesn’t spread.  Again, I say poppycock.  I’m getting rashes in new places, places where clothing fully protected me from exposure… and I wasn’t rubbing my jeans or shirts on the backs of my knees when taking them off, or rubbing dirty poisoned clothes on myself afterwards.  I’ve been to this poison ivy rodeo before.  The rashes are also growing radially (or were, I should say… until the celestone).

That’s enough griping, just had to get it out there.  Doc says there a 50/50 chance I’ll not sleep much tonight (50% of people have sleeplessness as a side effect), and at this point, I think the Benedryl should’ve knocked me out. So, I hope you’re sleeping better than me tonight, even if I do have a regular night’s sleep.