Genes, why do you taunt me so?

Photo by: ElDave

While it's hard to fault my genes for handing me my devilishly handsome good looks and intelligence, I have a few rogue genes. These genes love bacon, beer, and westerns. They make me laugh at fart jokes, the three stooges and goodness knows I love a good beer commercial. I hold them responsible for enjoying sports, even the fantasy kind, and for the urge to use random power tools when completely unnecessary. They're generally a bad influence on my otherwise healthy genes and lately, true to form, they've been trying to convince me to get a truck... an american built truck... one with four doors... and that I should tell my wife! MY WIFE, for goodness sake!

Like a fool, I normally listen. I eat bacon by the hog, play in more fantasy leagues than I can shake a stick at and will laugh until I cry when presented with Dumb and Dumber's diarrhea scene. The truck is no different, I fell prey to the influence my man genes and the cursed testosterone they wield. I even told my wife of my desire for truck-y goodness. Metaphorically speaking, she murdered the idea and spit on its grave.

She has what I like to call evil woman genes. She loves soaps, a good cry, froo froo things, Grey's Anatomy, My Fair Lady, Loofahs, "quality time together" and she laughs a little too hard on America's Funniest Videos when a man is hit in the crotch. She doesn't like trucks, man chairs, westerns, sports, underwear on the floor, flatulence...you see where I'm headed with this. All of god's wonderful creations - they do nothing for her. How can I reason with insanity?

Undeterred, I've been secretly (now, not so secretly) perusing the internet, keeping up with current truck prices... should she fall mentally ill and decide that truck and I shall become one. GM trucks are cheap by historical standards... and for good reason. However, look at the following ad.

How can I ignore that? We're talking $11,000 off for Chevy's and Fords. I can't ignore it. Instead, I'm biding my time. One day, random large truck, you will be mine. I will craft a plan involving soaps, bribery, blackmail and sweet talking.