I have no superpowers

Photo by: Martin LaBar

I have no superpowers. This isn't the first time I've had this epiphany. As a boy, my brother and I both had superman pajamas, cape and all. We'd jump around on the furniture, and no matter how high we could jump we never flew, saw through walls or had ice cold breath (smelly breath is apparently not a real superpower, more of a hygiene issue).

Last weekend I had the same sad realization again when I didn't gain superpowers after I was bitten by a spider. I was half hoping that the bite would result in my gaining some kind of power. I would've settled for a tingling spidey sense, increased strength, the ability to stay up past 9:30 without being tired... but I got nothing. Just a big red mark on my finger and a good scare.

One minute I'm outside trimming the bushes out in front of our house and the next minute a half-dollar size spider is gnawing on my hand like I'm a chew toy. After the bite, I try to find the spider and make sure I know it's whereabouts (that it hasn't jumped on my pants) and its appearance and then promptly head inside to search the internet and become an expert on poisonous spiders. What does a black widow actually look like.... ok, what about the brown recluse? Is it actually brown? Cause this spider was green... and very angry. I think it actually turned out to be a green lynx spider.

It seems fair that if you go through something risky or difficult that there should be a reward. College, work, the stock market... all good examples of this. I think spider bites should be the same. All I'm saying here is that I think a little super power would've been justified. Is that too much to ask? On second thought, maybe I should just be happy that my finger is still attached and that I'm alive.