The haps on the recent craps

There's a lot of ground to cover in this post. I am, after all, covering ten days worth of news.

The biggest news is that the patriarch of the Simpson family, Pappaw, underwent surgery last Friday to clear a 90% blockage of his carotid artery - named as such because it's shaped like a carrot. The Shreveport fam all drove down to be with Mammaw and help out with delivery to surgery and moral support and such... Taylor and I even functioned as tech support while there, installing a cable modem at their house.

By Friday afternoon, Pappaw was out of surgery, blood flowing like an 18 year old and Mammaw's computer was up and running on the information super highway at blazing speeds.

Just before our trip, Last Monday I found that we had a gator in our pond. Yes, a real gator. I didn't mention it because, hey... what's a gator to a man but a challenge? After a few nights of talking trash to the pond, waiting on a wrestling match, I gave up. My shouts of "YOU CALL THAT A DEATH ROLL!? I've seen tootsie rolls more threatening than that!" and "Your momma's a crocodile!" couldn't seem to provoke the gator. I did manage to snap a picture or two of the little (4-5 foot) booger.

Well, today I stopped by and talked to the sales lady in our subdivision and she said that they knew about the gatorS. The S is capitalized there because it's the biggest plural I've ever heard. I had to stop sales lady... "Did you say alligatorS?". If you've seen jurassic park, you know how tricky those reptiles can be, and will understand my concern. Clever girl, indeed.

In other, unrelated, purely coincidental news, our fence will be going up this week.

Katie's out of town for the night, so Taylor and I got together to have a man night (sans Sami) and play some Guitar Hero 3. We laid the proverbial smack down on the game for an hour and a half or so before he had to amscrey... and managed to get as far as Metallica - ONE in the set list on hard. I got as far as 90% into it, but haven't been able to beat the song yet...

What else is there...? I think that's about it. Pluto's being pluto. He's a shedding, slobbering, waste machine. I told Katie that I didn't think he'd been growing much lately... and I think I know why. I'm of the opinion that food runs right through him. He eats and 5 minutes later he's in the yard depositing plutonium... the food has no time to be used. Poor little guy. I'm gonna feed him and put a cork in his butt so he can have a chance to grow.

Oh, one more thing before I forget. If any telemarketers are reading this... looking for me. You'll never catch me alive! I've been getting calls 2-3 a day, at least, 2 of which were on my cell phone today.

"Jordan?"

"Yes."

"Hey, Jordan, this is Marky Mark from . We're calling you because you purchased something from one of our partners."

-click-

Stop calling me, people, seriously.

A little tip for the men out there

Men. Yesterday, I secured a Wii for myself. Many of you may have made similar requests for Xbox 360's or Playstation 3's and been rejected, or even mocked.

How was I able to convince my wife to let me buy this? One simple word. Strategery.

I buttered her up with compliments, then sent her the following letter, which has been adapted for your use (click the letter to enlarge it). If you follow my guide, you will surely gain spousal approval for whatever item you so desperately need.

SingStar and Wii

WIIII!!! I secured a wii for myself today. So, the first time around the block with the Wii last November didn't work out too well. Zelda was too much of a time commitment and the new spongebob was about as much fun as a Warren Buffet fan club luncheon. The big draw for me was Super Mario Galaxy.. and it got pushed back and back and back until Nov 12 of this year.

You would be correct if you noticed, as did I, that this date is rapidly approaching. Upon discovery, I immediately drew up a purchase order and e-mailed it to my wife, who to my surprise, stamped it with a big red approved stamp.

She called around today, unbeknownst to me, and found that the gamestop in the mall had a few wii's in stock. So I ran over there to see if I could score one, and luck had it that I would.

She knew the panic which would come over me if the new mario were released and I had no system on which it would play. I may have torn my robes, and possibly even rubbed dirt on my head. There also may have been weeping and gnashing of teeth. Since my dentist has warned me that any more gnashing of my teeth may lead to wearing a guard at night, I figured that it was in my best interest to go ahead and buy one... to be safe and all.

We also managed to make an impulse purchase by buying SingStar Rocks for the PS2. It's a Karaoke game, the kind of game we've been wanting to buy ever since Johnny brought Karaoke Revolution to town. Today seemed like as good a day as any to buy it. If we're gonna blow money on video games, why not go all out....

Anywho, Emma (AKA Sneak) is staying over here tonight, so she and Katie and I are all getting down on some SingStar. At the moment, however, Katie and Sneak have gone to Best Buy to look for a copy of SingStar Amped, for some better songs. We like the songs we've got, but they're a little soft for my taste.

Hopefully they'll get back before I drift off in to my 26-year old, old man slumber - grogginess sets in at 9 and by 10, I'm a zombie. I may look normal, but math and conversation are dead to me. Well, that's not much different that the hours before 10... but I get really sleepy, ok? Ok.

People are important

I chose my profession carefully, spending weeks researching what profession would result in the least interaction with other people. After a month of exhaustive research in my teens I'd narrowed the field to two professions, arctic researcher or programmer. Let me just say that if it weren't for my terrible fear of eskimos and other cold folk, I would be in the arctic circle in search of valuable science. Instead I earn a living as a programmer.

As a programmer and geek, I often have a tendency to forget that people other than myself exist. This fact is obvious to me in fleeting moments when I have to fix a software bug. Logic dictates that since I write perfect code, yet there is a bug in the software that there must be some other person introducing bugs into my software. I try not to pay attention to this fact, but sometimes it's unavoidable.

Looking back this week, I realized that I sometimes thrive on interaction with other people. Now that I've isolated myself sufficiently, working on projects alone for the most part, I miss the interaction with other people that I had previously. Now, I actually want to come home and talk to my wife... that's what the world has come to. Man night (Tuesday nights with my brother and another friend) have become more important.

I don't have any real insights into the reason for the change, only a realization that activities that were once painful and unnecessary are now enjoyable. It's strange how things change.

Dallas Cowboys 5-0?

Who would've predicted that the Cowboys would've overcome all their faults and mistakes in the Monday night game against Buffalo? 6 turnovers in a game, 2 resulting in touchdowns... and they still come away with a win. Who woulda thunk it?

Me. That's who.

Katie and I sat down after dinner last night, with the TV already tuned to ESPN from the previous day. The two hour pre-game show was on, analyzing every matchup and facet of the game that would be coming soon, along with reiterating each newsworthy item from the week's games. Somewhere in the analysis a commentator pointed out that they would have to play New England after the Bills... and that if Dallas wins against the Bills that they would both be undefeated.

What's that, ESPN? Two undefeated teams, at week 6? That sounds like a ratings powerhouse. That's right. The reason the Cowboys had to win was because it would make for the most compelling TV. It's the first season where I've heard multiple commentators mention that they aren't interested in watching football because so many teams are playing so poorly. People need a reason to tear themselves away from their lives and sit wide eyed in front of "the big game". Monday night's game was the NFL's way of ensuring that this happened.

Two black coaches in the superbowl? I smell PR buzz. Two undefeated teams at week 6? ESPN and CBS were both forcing all employees to pray to their gods, any gods, that Romo would get his crap together and get a win for Dallas. Lo and Behold, they pulled it off. After an onside kick, two challenges, and two kicks (back to back) to win the game... the football gods had assured that the game which must happen would happen.

This points toward the trend I've noticed - If there's a storyline being highlighted consistently, and a game is on the line to further that story, chances are that that game will have an outcome that favors the continuation of that story. Watch the pre-game jibber jabber on ESPN. The NFL is becoming more like the WWE everyday. The fix is in, it's up to the players and coaches to determine how the fix is executed.